I’ve been with many men in my life so i’m sure by now you would say since we have dated for over 5 months that we would have had sex..well
How are you Iyke? Thank you for this. When we talked about this earlier i know you asked me” are you sure it happened to you”? Iyke, the answer is yes! As a matter of fact it is still ongoing as i have not made up my mind on what to do yet.
I am a spinster at 45. My father is late and my mum has long retired and is living in our village. I have a younger brother who is 40 and he is married with 2 sons. I was born in Lagos and like most girls that grew up in town; i’ve dated many men in my life. I currently work with a bank in Ikeja which is also where i live (i live alone).
Well Iyke i am dating someone now. He is a marine engineer and he works with one of the world shipping lines. He’s 52 and very rich Iyke. I actually met him in Dubai last year October when i went on leave and Iyke we hit it off. Before my father died, he pressured me so much about marriage that i had to leave my house at some point before i lose my head. It was not different with my mum; she said she wants to carry my child before she dies and all that (i’m sure you can imagine the rest Iyke).
So being in my 40’s it will only be fair that anyone i will be involved with has to be someone who is serious and ready to settle down. So when i met him (my boyfriend) everything started happening very fast. He was married before to a Canadian lady (the nature of his job takes him around the world) but she died. Sadly they had no children. One thing i appreciate about him is that he is very open; he told me a lot about himself in just hours of our meeting. He said he felt like he had known me all his life.
It was a lot easier when he found out that i am from Enugu, incidentally he is also from Enugu (his village is not very far from mine), so Iyke we just jelled. All this began in October last year. We are in March Iyke and he is talking marriage. You cannot imagine the plenty prayer and fasting i have done in the last 5 months, so when he started talking marriage, you cannot imagine how delirious i was. But Iyke there is a problem.
He said i have to get pregnant before we get married. Remember i told you i’ve been with many men in my life so i’m sure by now you would say since we have dated for over 5 months that we would have had sex..well sorry to disappoint you Iyke..we havent. Iyke, i am 45 and i know what i want. I have had much sex in my life and it has amounted to naught so i said to myself any man who places sex as priority now is a NO NO for me. In fairness, he has only asked me for sex once but i declined and he respected my opinion and has never asked again. In fact, my respect for him has no limits but now he is saying “you have to get pregnant before we get married”.
I do not know if to say i am disappointed but here is what he said. “You are 45 and i am 52 and age is no more on our side”. “I need children and i know you also do”. “You cannot doubt that i love you as i cannot doubt that you love me”.” I can sex all the ladies i meet in my life and anyone that gets pregnant for me, i can chose to keep the baby”. “But i have chosen to live my life with you but i also do not wish for pressure of child bearing to become our undoing”.” I am open to any medical means of achieving this”.” Once you get pregnant, i will meet your people and we can get married”. These are his words Iyke.
I have never been so confused in my life. Do i think he is making sense?..well yes. Does it seem like it’s the right thing to do? I don’t have that answer. I told my mum and younger brother and guess what; they think i should go ahead with it. Well i’ve not talked about marriage with my family in the last 3 years (so i guess their consent is more of desperation and to think that he is from Enugu.). I can go on and on and on but you asked me to keep my story brief and to the point so Iyke, this is it…”Get pregnant and we will get married”..what do i do Iyke?
GUESS IYKE’s COMMENT:
I do not have all the answers. However, thank you for writing. I asked you if this is actually your personal experience because this story is not peculiar to you so i pray that those who have gone through this same situation can share with us how they handled the situation.
First of all you told me you are a Christian when we spoke(though its not in your mail) so sex before marriage is not encouraged in the fold. Yes indeed many of us are guilty of sex before marriage but that does not in any way make it right. So my dear your decision is right first in the sight of God.
Second of all, spiritual things and carnal things are very parallel. So given all his logic, it can still amount to nothing. I’ve heard testimonies of people at 60 having children. Listen, i am not saying he spoke out of context or he’s not making sense but i am saying that where the sense and wisdom of man stops is where God’s Wisdom starts.
You asked me..”what do i do Iyke”? Take it to God in prayer. The heart of kings is in His hands. Your decision is already pleasing to God and i know he will not forsake you. Prayer and fasting has brought you this far, it sure can take you the distance.
Thank you for sharing your TRUE STORY with GUESS IYKE.I wish you the best in whatever decision(s) you make plus please look out for comments on this thread. God bless u plenty.
Thank you for reading GUESS IYKE’s TRUE STORIES..Beta to follow you.