Welcome to your talk show Impact Formula
Segment – Analysis of our Society’s Diaries (ASD)-(ANALYST’s OPINION)
Topic – Is it proper for single mothers to bring their “male friend’s” home?
Key Notes – With reference to single mothers who live with their child(ren) – Many single mothers are young and still have their lives ahead of them. Plus many also live with their child(ren). Given to the fact that they have a future ahead of them and this future includes getting married. Is it then proper for single mothers to keep bringing their “male friend’s” home?
Chamii could not join us today…We miss you Chamii
This topic brings to mind the dynamics of filial relationships.
Firstly, it’s a known fact that Single mothers usually try their best to play the role of father and mother to their children. They try so hard to balance love and discipline.
They hustle to balance spending time with their children and working to feed and clothe the same children. Somehow the balance is upset, and the kids tend to be provided for materially at the expense of the children’s relationship and closeness with their mum.
Secondly, children tend to be fiercely protective of their single mothers, especially the male children. The fear of change might make them resistant to sharing their mum with one strange man.
Thirdly, if mummy brings home a “male friend” Mr A today, and three months later brings home another “male friend” Mr B, the children wonder…… all these male friends sef….. only God knows what these children share with there school mates at school, and what information they get from their peers.
I know mummy has her life to live. I know mummy feels lonely. But am of the opinion that mummy should go on dates with male friends, check into an hotel or at a friend’s bunk if she wishes to get intimate with her male friend, but should introduce a “male friend” per time to her children.
If the relationship didn’t work out, I think the children should be informed that friend Mr A is no longer her friend, and she has a new friend Mr B BEFORE she bring them home. This shows consistency, and would also help the children understand how relationships happen as they grow older.
This would make them easily accept Mr B when he proposes to mummy. Till the time mummy is sure this male friend relationship is marriage bound, I think she should be transparent, honest and vulnerable to the children about her movements and her male friends.
When you say male friends, we need to understand the kind. Colleagues at work is quite different from different men coming to spend time with her at home or even spending the night. The age of the child is important in this situation
For younger children, you must really be careful what you do in front of them and the impression you give them.
Kids will always ask questions. It’s understandable even for the child when you guys are colleagues and what ever is happening between you two are not behind closed doors and also make out time to check on the child.
We all are adults, most times the reason we have male visitors aside work and study is sex and other relationship stuffz.
Now take for instance when your child knows you are in a locked room at home with a someone of the opposite sex.
I’ve been in this situation, especially for young children. if you must, then explain to the children as a mother and then let them know its not polite to come knocking.
Bringing male friends home is not a bad idea, but just be careful what the child sees you do. especially for the little ones.
Zee could not join us today
I always start with thanking my reliable analyst. Chamii and Zee are unavoidably absent and today seems to be the guys show..#teeth. I appreciate you guys a great deal.
I must also emphasize that this topic is “a true life story” and was sent in by someone. It is featured on MY TRUE STORIES – ” I’m a single mum – My daughter is withdrawn when i bring my male friend(s) home “. I had to put it on ASD so as to involve my analyst’s and have a broader view.
Is it proper for single mothers to bring their “male friend’s” home? Some people say; “It is either black or white” while some say; “There are always grey areas”. Well for a single mother living with her child(ren), this is a sure GREY area that needs proper handling.
(1) Every single mother has a life ahead of her
There are many circumstances that can lead to someone becoming a single mother. So once a single mother accepts the situation as it is, the next step is to properly deal with the situation. Yes, getting married is part of the life ahead of a single mother and of course you can only get married to someone you know. Part of knowing someone also entails exchanging visits.
It then will be unrealistic to say that a single mother should not bring her male visitor(s) home. However given that there is a “grey area” in her life, she has to apply caution. The critical questions to ask is then; (A) What is her relationship with this/these male friend(s)? (B) At what stage of “that relationship” should she bring her male friend(s) home?
(2) How does the child deal with her male friend(s)
Here the age of the child is very, very key. Who will the single mum introduce her male friend(s) as? If male friend(s) is/are introduced as uncle, how many of such “uncle’s” will the child get to meet? Does the single mother have private time with male friend(s) in her house while the child is at home? All of these can affect a child.
Is it proper for single mothers to bring their “male friend’s” home? Well my answer will be a yes but i will put some conditions;
** Not every male friend must be brought home. Except it is totally necessary
** In the event that the male friend is a potential life partner, she should be relatively sure of where the relationship is heading before she brings him home
** Having private time with this potential life partner while her child(ren) is/are home is a NO NO for me
** A proper introduction of her male friend(s) to her child(ren) is very important to create a balance
** Monitoring the child’s(ren’s) behavior(especially if the child is a girl) around her male friend(s) cannot be overemphasized
We really are all learners and i appreciate YOU my ANALYST’s for sharing your opinion. I look forward to more topics and your contributions. Thank you so much as we continue the conversation on this thread. Thank you for viewing Guess Iyke’s (ASD). You can join also our team of ANALYST’s.