IMPACT FORMULA – Analysis of Our Society’s Diaries
Topic: Is it proper to lie to your spouse to protect your marriage?…ANALYST’s OPINION
Key notes- A lie is a lie but what if the truth can make you lose your marriage.
Most newlyweds would probably say it’s never a good idea to lie to your spouse. But are we always completely honest with your husband or wife? Does your spouse know what you really think of his family or every detail of your relationships with exes? The question remains: Is it ever okay to lie to your husband or wife?
A simple “no” is not a satisfactory answer to this question. Sometimes, we lie to our spouses to spare their feelings or avoid an argument. Sometimes, we lie to them because we’re hiding something or for own selfish reasons.
“So, should we lie?” Perhaps the answer can be found in the question: Whom am I protecting by withholding the truth? If you are protecting yourself, it’s probably unwise to lie.”
Like anything else in marriage, you and your spouse should discuss and manage your expectations when it comes to lying. For instance, you might tell your husband that you do not want to know about his previous relationships or how annoying he finds your mom.
But you want him to be truthful about his sexual health and if your mom steps on his toes when it comes to parenting your children. You might also tell him that it is all right to tell white lies to spare your feelings but you won’t tolerate lies about where he’s been going with his friends.
Of course, you must determine for yourself what’s tolerable and what’s not and then share those ideas with your spouse. Indeed many times we are not looking for complete honesty from our spouse. Instead, we want comfort and security, and that’s all right, too. Certain lies can damage your relationship, even if they seem harmless or even necessary to protect the marriage.
If you’re lying to your spouse to save yourself from a well-deserved confrontation, then you’re doing a disservice to your marriage. The bottom line is that most lies will be bad for your marriage. But white lies don’t necessarily have to be banned. Consider your spouse’s feelings and communicate your expectations about honesty.
The question of ‘to lie or not to lie’ is a complex one, It is rarely simply black or white. There are some nuances embedded in this issue that require thoughtfulness and self reflection.
While protecting the relationship is important, protecting the trust you’ve grown should be your top priority. Without trust, there will be no relationship to protect.
Be trusting. It’s good for your health and relationship. Honesty is very essential to a marriage’s safety and success. It’s good to be back here again. Missed everyone.
Protect my marriage? My answer is No. Its simple for me. Better mess up and say the truth now, apologies and show remorse, with the hope of being forgiven sometime when hurt feelings subside. Than to lie now, and lie another lie to cover up the first lie, and live in fear of being exposed someday.
For a marriage to be protected, it means it has been threatened with breakup. So that’s the real issue. That should be discussed by spouses. Money? Fame? Sex? Religious Activities? Work? In laws? Which of these issues can threaten our marriage and how can we resolve them now before they become stronger?
Lying shows fear. Fear of the one’s spouse reaction. Fear of the consequences of one’s actions. If we are Christ-centered, the tendency to make errors that will make us lie is reduced. And if we don’t measure up to our spouse’s expectations, its counted as a mistake and forgiveness comes faster than normal (provided both spouses are Christ-centered o). Lol. And mind you I didn’t say “Church-centered”. That’s very different from being Christ-centered.
In conclusion, its not safe for me to lie to protect my marriage. Unless I wanna die of high blood pressure resulting from being a habitual liar. Thanks.
Mr.Wells could not join us today.
Hello people. Being honest is of the factors that builds up a relationship, be it friendship, courtship or marriage. However, one should be careful about the truth you reveal because it could make or Mar such relationship. In as much as I like to keep my marriage, I also want to be FREE.
FREE from my sins,FREE from bondage and so on. If I ever do anything wrong or something happened, If I lie about it,it means am keeping secrets and may likely to cover it up with another lie which accumulates to couple of lies which may eventually brings about suspicion and dishonest,truthfully, I cannot handle that.
I like to say the truth,bear the consequences no matter what,which MAY also save my marriage than lie which will automatically ruin it if revealed. Zee cares.
Awesome contribution guys! Good to have you guys back. Confessing to your spouse about something they never knew and lying to your spouse about something they want to know are two different things(in one instance, they never asked, in the other instance, they are asking). Lying to your spouse about something or a situation he/she is asking about can make your spouse feel insulted when you are lying. However like Chami said..”Whom am I protecting by withholding the truth?” This now tilts the balance.
I’ve heard an advanced man say this; “How can my wife look me in the face and say YES she cheated on me“? I was shocked at his statement. We were actually talking on this subject and he said; “if i suspect or have strong reasons to believe that my wife is cheating and i confront her”,“Iyke if she tells me to my face that she did, it’s a big slap to my face”. And i asked him “Sir, if you are not expecting her to be truthful why then did you ask her”? “Iyke most of our responses to life are theoretical, when we experience them first hand, our response are instinctive“..Made 10/10 sense to me when he said that.
“Whom am I protecting by withholding the truth”? If you are protecting your marriage by telling a lie, maybe because tempers are high at that point, well it could be wise to tell the truth later. Essentially one should understand his/her spouse first. There usually are no “one size fits all” in relationship matters and remember wisdom is profitable to direct.
We really are all learners and i appreciate YOU my ANALYST’s for sharing your opinion. I look forward to more topics and your contributions. Thank you so much as we continue the conversation on this thread. Thank you for viewing Guess Iyke’s (ASD). You can join also our team of ANALYST’s.