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Unintended pregnancy:”You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”! Has this been the best

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Welcome to your talk show Impact Formula
Segment – Analysis of our Society’s Diaries (ASD)-(ANALYST’s OPINION)
Topic – Unintended pregnancy:”You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”! Has this been the best solution?

Key notes: ‘A young man gets his girl friend pregnant’, ‘a teacher gets his student pregnant’, ‘a Doctor gets his patient pregnant’. There are so many of such situations. The question now is this; if 2 people are involved in sex relationship, be a fling or what-have-you and the guy gets the female pregnant with no intention of marrying her; meaning that the pregnancy was just “a mistake”. Do you think it’s in the best interest of both parties that they should get married?

Do not forget that in this clime, parents of the female(in particular) insist on “You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”. Even the society at large has embraced this norm.

Chamii

chamii

Chamii could not join us today

Jeremiah

Jeremiah

I don’t think two people must marry because they have an unplanned pregnancy together.

I don’t think it is clearly stated under the Nigerian Constitution that two people must marry when a pregnancy is involved. But this is Naija where culture and religion is strong, one we can’t but put them into consideration.

My statistics may be wrong, but I think there are a great number of people ending up being unhappy because they got ‘married’ because of a pregnancy.

Its a complicated issue, many interests are involved, communication might breakdown, but I think wedding and marriage should hold on, till underground issues are sorted out. Thanks

Mr.Wells

wells

Hmmm! Now this is a broad topic, it goes a lot deeper. Make i talk as i see am.

You have gotten her pregnant. You mustn’t marry her, If she decides to keep then pregnancy… fine. You can support her.

I don’t believe men these days still get forced to marry a girl they got pregnant.

Well, it is true some men get trapped cause of their principles…like not wanting to raise kids with different mothers and so on.

But really.. I don’t think guys should be trapped into marriage in such situations. Why? I so much believe in happiness. No one should ever trade their happiness for anything less.

Now, folks who believe their children should marry the guy who got their daughter pregnant are missing one factor.

You want your daughter to marry someone who is not willing to marry her and is feeling trapped. Someone who is not even capable of fending for himself, who is not ready for that life?

Papa, mama no be this world again oh…

Punching bag and slave is what you are playing with. After all, he didn’t beg you guys in the first place… I don’t think this is marriage oh.

If you want your daughter happy, the guy should want her happy too. If he doesn’t care don’t force marriage.. it’s not the solution at all.

I have a song i love that sheds more insight to this topic and was even dramatized in the music video.

He struck me most with this “Swear they get pregnant for collateral, It’s like extortion” J.cole – Lost ones.

But this won’t work on guys who know what they want… if a guys doesn’t tell you to keep the pregnancy.. FORGET IT!!

Zainab

Zainab

Zee could not join us today

Guess Iyke

Guess Iyke

Thank you Chams, J, Wells and Zee. I will always appreciate you guys…ALWAYS

Unintended pregnancy:”You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”! Has this been the best solution?

This topic is timeless; i think. Plus it’s hard to talk about this from either side of the divide without “hurting people”.

On the side of the pregnant girl and her parents:

No parent of a female child will delight in the fact that their female child gives birth to a child while living with them especially if she is not married. It is more bore out of shame and “what the society will say”, “what family members will say”, “what church members will say”. One can argue that all these factors culminate to make the parents of the girl insist that “You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”. I stand to be corrected; i think most parents who insist on “You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”, are protecting their image more than protecting the girl child.

On the side of the guy that got the girl pregnant and his parents

I know that some culture in Nigeria has it that; if you get a girl pregnant and do not “do anything on her head”. Meaning, fulfilling some cultural and traditional rites; the guy who got the girl pregnant has not claim over the child. On this premise, the guys parents might insist that he marries the girl he impregnated especially if the guys parents want a grandchild “desperately”.

Has this been the best solution?

I really doubt if i can say a yes. There are a lot of questions to be asked. “Are the two parties involved in love”? “Is the guy in question emotionally, mentally and financially ready and capable of handling the situation and being a father? More especially, is he ready for marriage? There are just so many questions to ask.

I think both parents of the male and the female in question should come together and reason things out. It is unfair (especially on the girls part) to subject either party to slavery just because of a mistake they made.

I will end with this: I know a family where one guy INTENTIONALLY got their daughter pregnant so that they can accept his hand in marriage. Yet the girl’s father refused to offer his daughters’ hand in marriage and insisted that the guy can have his child after the girl has delivered but that he will never marry his daughter.

Do you know? The guy married another woman and a year later divorced her. I’m not trying to form an equation here…no, no! This statement is neither here nor there. I’m just saying that i do not totally think there is any justification in saying that “”You have gotten her pregnant,You must marry her”.

We really are all learners and i appreciate YOU my ANALYST’s for sharing your opinion. I look forward to more topics and your contributions. Thank you so much as we continue the conversation on this thread. Thank you for viewing Guess Iyke’s (ASD). You can join also our team of ANALYST’s.

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