Welcome to your talk show Impact Formula
Segment – Analysis of our Society’s Diaries (ASD)-(ANALYST’s OPINION)
Topic – “Which should ideally come first”? Should i propose to my girlfriend before i inform my parents about her or…
Key notes: Given that we are in Africa( i think it also applies in other climes ) where it is generally believed that a woman does not only marry her husband but that she is also married to her husbands family/people. Now if you propose to a lady first and she accepts your proposal then you take her to your parents and your parents reject her, what happens? Which should ideally come first?
You can actually propose to your girlfriend before telling your family. If you know you are going to be that serious with her, i am sure she must have been attending one or two family functions with you. The family knows her, they know where the relationship is heading to, so why wait to tell them before proposing?
‘There is no way i would bring home a man who has no bearing for the future i.e hinted he would marry me or preferably proposed. It’s not any kind of man I’ll bring home to my parents in the name of boyfriend and girlfriend. I must have analyzed, scrutinized before he comes near my family. But I’ll introduce him as my boyfriend for the sake of my parents not throwing a fit . I trust my parents to ask him what he intends for their daughter . It’s left for him to tell them he wants to marry me.’
Any man that i bring to the house means i want to spend the rest of my life with him and the same applies to guys. I am sure a guy cannot be introducing different girls to his family. When they see him constantly with the same girl, they should know she is the one. Although, there are cases when they eventually don’t end up together.
With this, i can safely say its okay to propose to your girlfriend before informing your family.
I think this depends on a number of factors. On a lighter note, parents or pastors, whose rejection or approval of fiancee carries more weight in this part of Africa? Lol.
Firstly, the maturity of the man in question needs to be factored in. How independently minded the man is usually helps to determine if he should propose to bae first, or present her to his folks for subtle “screening” or not.
Secondly, the man’s relationship with his parents comes into play. One is usually closer and more chummy to a parent than the other. There is a tendency that before the actual proposal of popping the silly question, the man would have either “accidentally” or deliberately introduced his babe to his favorite parent, out of camaraderie. You know how love does us ghiss geez na, you won’t know when your favorite parent would notice you are smiling the mumu-ish am-in-love smile and he/she would ask you for the “gist”.
In my own case, i can’t seem to remember which came first. I think my mum knew about my fiancee (and was secretly feeding my dad information but my dad “trowey face” like he didn’t know whatsup) before i proposed, but they were still surprised when we declared we were getting married in 2014. Their question was: that fast?
As there is no ideal situation in this our Naija, I think it lies with the man. If you can’t shout, if you dislike confrontations, its advisable for the man to stylishly introduce his girl friend to his parents (and other authority figures in his life) and watch their reactions before proposing to the lady. But if you have the balls, why not? Kneel down like the rest of us and propose jare.
Then take her home and say in your most gruff voice: Papa, Mama, here is the woman i would like to spend the rest of my life with. Love conquers all…. What if they disapprove? Then the same way the man marketed his love to the lady, he will humbly but firmly market his decision to his parents. Its a matter of time. When they see that he holds his grounds, they would moat probably yield ground. Afterall, its my life na Papa and Mama, isn’t it?
Marriage to my understanding so far.. Is between a man and a woman who are willing to go against all odds together for the rest of their lives. Last time i checked. It didn’t involve a couple and their parents.
I also agree that a guy who marries a girl adopts news parents and must be comfortable around them. Same goes for the girl. My fiancée’s dad is a tough nut to crack. Honestly, I’m sharing this to help others. I’ve heard things like Ómò ibo and the rest. “I’m from Edo state pops” I always say in my mind.
I completely go with guy meets girl, guy likes girl, guy dates girls for at least 6 months (to see if he can live with her) guy is cool with girl and proposes type of scenario. The part of the parents comes after he finds out he can live with her for the rest of his life and if they don’t approve? I convince them and if they still don’t approve. I give them the “No other woman will do speech”. And wait for them to be desperate.
You see parents forget one vital thing, and that is happiness. What make you children happy should come first. I always tell my heart (as I call her). “Your Dad needs to see how happy we are”.
In a nut shell, I understand the point of view of parents. Trying to do what’s in the best interest of their children. My only argument here is. Is that not why we are called adults? And to make tough decisions and choices is part of us?
Picture this: mom chooses a wife for son. Son marries lady and at the end of the day lady takes over and stops mom from coming to the house. It was the moms choice too right? and she also failed.
My point is, lets focus on people that bring us happiness rather than look for what parents want because at the end of the day WE will live with the people we choose not them. If the person is lovable. I believe parents will come around after pikin don Enter.
I shared a little of my experience so far. Hope it answers your question.
In my opinion
Proposing to your girl is always interesting when you eventually broke the news of how it all went to your family and friends but if they haven’t seen or met her before, it doesn’t just click.
Now,if the couple aren’t staying in the same country with their parents at least they should have spoken to their in laws to be on phone before breaking such a news to them.
All these is pointing to the fact that you should know your in laws to be before proposing to your girl or saying YES to a man.
My story was kind of funny because my husband proposed twice.
1. Would you be my girlfriend? I was in my final year and he went to NYSC camp only to come back with a ring,i was scared he wanted to say marry (i would be like,this guy is not serious o,me wey never ready at all ) and then he said,” LET’S TAKE THE FRIENDSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL” And i was like okay,you are asking me to focus on u alone,its okay. All these while,he already met my mum,my siblings and two of my aunts.
2. Will you be my wife? We happen to be birthday mates,so he came home for us to celebrate (he works in another country ) he met my dad a day after our birthday and asked the question with another ring after then and i said YES, before then i already met his mum and his sister.
We then started planning for introduction ceremony which took place last year December 28th ,followed by registry on 7th of April 2016 and finally had our Nikkai and Engagement on October 1st 2016.
We had to delay some serious decisions between us because we don’t know if my dad would allow me marry him (An Igbo Man)
My start is nothing if i do not honor my humble, loyal and faithful analysts. I love you Chams, Jeremiah(by the way Jeremiah was in my office yesterday, we had a lovely chat), my main ‘dog’ Mr.Wells and Zee, God will continually bless you guys. Thank you for your time.
“Which should ideally come first”? Should i propose to my girlfriend before i inform my parents about her or…
Honestly for the first time you guys have “hit home on all fronts”, i doubt if i have more to add. I think the only logical reason why it might, just might be important to involve parents before proposal is because of “family history”. There just might or could be an infamous family history about the man or woman that neither of them knew that their parents might know or might find out.
This might sound a bit “old school” especially with the “wake” of Christianity. However, marital joy knows no bounds when parental blessings are of the fore.
*** We are a planning an ASD Christmas ‘groove’ and we just might invite some fashionistas,just might…Picture and videos will be made available…#teeth..
We really are all learners and i appreciate YOU my ANALYST’s for sharing your opinion. I look forward to more topics and your contributions. Thank you so much as we continue the conversation on this thread. Thank you for viewing Guess Iyke’s (ASD). You can join also our team of ANALYST’s.